


One Last Farewell

by Mareel



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Episode: s01e16 Shuttlepod One, Epistolary, Friendship, M/M, Missing Scene, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 02:28:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2371094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareel/pseuds/Mareel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The hardest letter to write.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Last Farewell

**Author's Note:**

> This is a missing scene for the Season One episode "Shuttlepod One", where Trip and Malcolm are stranded in a damaged shuttle - cold, running out of air, with little hope of rescue. It is Malcolm's voice and references events of that episode and of a previous episode "Silent Enemy". 
> 
> Prompts were 'letter unsent' and 'goodbye'.

 

__________________________________________________

 

“You’re a regular grim reaper, Malcolm.”

Commander Tucker thinks I’m being morbid as he listens to me recording last letters to friends and family. I told him I was simply being realistic about our vanishingly small chances of surviving in this damaged shuttlecraft until any rescue could arrive.

That was a few minutes ago. From the sound of it, he must have fallen asleep. I need to take advantage of the privacy to write one last message. 

If isn’t logical to write this one, since I’m certain we saw the remains of _Enterprise_ , shattered and drifting as space debris, before our own shuttlecraft's problems became acute. In that case Jonathan Archer will never see this letter. Perhaps that’s the only reason I dare to write it at all. 

‘ _Dear Captain Archer_ ’ 

That’s not right. “Pause recording. Restart.” 

‘ _Dear Jonathan_ ’ 

I don’t know if I can do this. But I take a deep breath and forge ahead.

‘ _In the unlikely event that you are reading this, it means that Enterprise did survive, despite all evidence to the contrary, for which I’m exceedingly grateful. My Personal Log contains technical details of our situation, and expresses my gratitude at having had the honour of serving with you._

_‘But on a more personal note, I wanted to tell you that I regret that we never had the opportunity to get to know one another better. I have never forgotten what you did for me on my birthday. I doubt I ever thanked you properly. No one has ever cared enough to go to such lengths to surprise me, and no moment on Enterprise has given me greater happiness. I thought I saw my joy reflected in your eyes. Forgive me if I was wrong…'_

“Malcolm? Are you still at it? Who’s this one to? Sounds different than the rest.”

I hastily close the recording, feeling my face redden despite the bitter cold. “Commander. I thought you were asleep. My apologies for disturbing you. It was just a last afterthought…”

“You must be tired. Normally, you’re not such a lousy liar.” His voice softens. “Is that a letter to Jonny? I wondered if you’d ever get around to that.”

I’m sure my deepening blush gives him all the answer he needs. “Mr. Tucker, if you ever so much as breathe a word of this to anyone…”

“Whoa, Malcolm. There’s more optimism in that once sentence than I’ve heard from you since we got stuck out here. Some part of you isn’t convinced that _Enterprise_ is gone… maybe the same part that’s finally admitting something I’ve suspected for awhile now.”

I have no answer for that either. “I don’t know anything about your suspicions, Commander. I’ve never behaved inappropriately.”

Trip got up from the bunk and came over to crouch beside my chair, resting a hand on my arm. I’m too surprised to draw away. 

“Who said anything about inappropriate? And just to be clear, I’m glad you can finally acknowledge what you’re feeling about him. Let me tell you something, since according to you, we’re both going to die out here anyway.”

He’s looking at me like he wants permission to continue. “What’s that?”

“It’s not one-sided. I know, I shouldn’t say anything. Jonny and I were having a few beers one night, talking about our pathetic history of failed relationships. One thing led to another… and that led to you. There I’ve said it. Make of it what you will. But finish the damn letter.”

I’m stunned. Jonathan is attracted to me? I wanted to believe there was _something_ , but knowing that death will intervene before anything can come of it makes it almost unbearable knowledge.

“I can’t… not aloud…”

Trip thrusts a PADD into my hands. “Just write it. I’m no voyeur wanting to listen. Just say whatever you were going to say. If he lived and we don’t, at least he’ll have something to remember.”

I lift my head to meet Trip’s eyes, taking the offered PADD. “And if we both survive?”

“That’ll be something to remember too. I look forward to it. Start writing, Mr. Reed.”

I don’t tell him that if we live through this, none of my messages will be sent. But somehow, the words still come easier now, knowing they wouldn't be unwelcome.

_‘Dear Jonathan…There’s something I need to tell you…’_

__________________________________________________

 


End file.
